Keep Quiet: Don’t Let Him Know What You’re Planning

Step five, as you think about getting divorced from a difficult or narcissistic husband is you need to understand how to keep quiet. Do not allow your husband to think that you’re filing for divorce before you are locked, loaded, and ready to go.

If you tip him off to what you are planning, and he believes you, he’s going to resort to all of his worst qualities and go into a defensive mode and manipulate you until the timing for divorce is right for him. I see this all the time and it never ends well.

When contemplating divorce from a husband like yours, it’s going to be challenging enough just with dealing with him. You don’t want him to have an opportunity to make the case more complicated than it needs to be by finding out from you now, before you are ready, that you’re thinking about divorcing him.

Instead, you have to take the time to make the decision that divorce is the correct decision. See the therapist and do the things we’ve talked about so far.

But otherwise keep your lips sealed. Keep quiet.

Get ready, get organized, go get to a lawyer and the lawyer will handle how your husband finds out (more on all of this to come- keep reading). Don’t worry, there are plenty of things for you to be doing right now but telling your husband what you are thinking about doing or planning to do is not one of them!

How to Keep Your Divorce Research and Preparation Secret

If you’re divorcing a controlling or narcissistic husband, sometimes it’s wise to take EXTRA steps to maintain your privacy. The following are 7 ways you might consider doing that:

  1. Create a private email account: Set up a new email account that is not connected to your current email or any joint accounts. Use this account exclusively for communication with your attorney, support groups, or other divorce-related matters. Choose a strong and unique password that your spouse cannot guess.

  2. Secure your devices: Ensure your phone, tablet, and computer are password-protected, and change your passwords regularly. Consider using a virtual private network (VPN) to hide your online activities, and always clear your browsing history, cookies, and cache after searching for divorce-related information.

  3. Maintain a low profile on social media: Be cautious about what you share on social media platforms. Avoid discussing your plans or relationship issues publicly, and be mindful of the privacy settings on your accounts. Consider creating a new account with a pseudonym if you want to participate in online support groups.

  4. Confide in trusted individuals: Only share your plans with a select few people who can provide emotional and practical support. Be cautious about discussing your intentions with mutual friends or family members who may inadvertently reveal your plans to your spouse.

  5. Open a separate bank account: If possible, open a new bank account in your name only to save money for your divorce and post-divorce needs. This can help you maintain financial independence and prevent your spouse from tracking your financial activities. Do not use your shared home address for any correspondence related to this account.

  6. Use a safe mailing address: To receive divorce-related correspondence, use a private mailing address, such as a P.O. Box or a trusted friend’s or family member’s address. This will help ensure your spouse does not intercept any important documents or information.

  7. Consult with an attorney discreetly: When scheduling appointments or phone calls with your attorney, choose times when your spouse is not around or when you can step away to a private location. Avoid leaving any physical evidence of your meetings, such as appointment cards or notes

Always prioritize your safety and well-being. If you are experiencing abuse or feel threatened, reach out to local support groups, hotlines, or law enforcement for assistance.

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